I’m a 60 year old, retired, somewhat disabled Veteran of our Armed Forces. I’m an Eagle Scout, an Appalachian Trail Thru-hiker (2,200 miles), former Reserve Deputy in the Sheriff’s Department. I am a trusted member of the FBI’s Infragard (White Hat community of cybersecurity professionals). I’ve gone thru the door with joint teams of deputies and US Marshalls to serve warrants for wanted persons while actively working full-time as Vice President and Senior Vice President roles in Fortune 100 and Music Industry businesses. I’ve held Top Secret security clearances, briefed Generals, deployed to War Zones, been injured horribly several times in the field, Graduated from elite schools at the top of my class. I’ve been neuro-psych tested so many times I can regurgitate the tests. (I passed them all, still).
I’ve led teams of people in all walks of life; military, white collar, Law Enforcement, teams so good technically anybody would put them up against any other. I’ve fought for those teams, sacrificed my own rewards and damn near my own career for some of them.
I’ve got advanced degrees in Computer Science and Finance. I’ve had tremendous impact on industries through their early adoption of technology before, during and after the .Com boom. I’ve been responsible for tens of millions of IT budgets and raised well over $100 million in funding for startups. And, I’ve made and lost ($180 million) in four days because deals signed on a Friday don’t last through a Monday when planes run into buildings. That money would have made it harder for me to be a good person so I was never that sad.
Been There, Don’t That.
I’ve worked for a lot of leaders and a few people assigned over me. For the most part, I saw what I would expect, military leaders are rock-solid having been formally trained and raised in a meritocracy and the larger the company most likely the better a leader the Ceo is. I’ve seen a lot of young entrepreneurs who will succeed because they care about the team they picked to get them there, I’ve seen old, wise Billionaires willing to spend their time with younger leaders to impart wisdom (thanks Mr. Eskind).
I’ve seen leaders and some assigned over me who had strategic vision and believe in what we were doing and knew the rewards would follow, and those who money at any cost was the norm. I’ve seen teams of leaders start health care companies with an idea that wellness should be rewarded and it works. I’ve seen new technologies absolutely storm several industries and the success those that can bring.
I’ve also worked for people that no matter what, they thought they should be rewarded because they deserved it. Regardless of the size of the business, the model, whatever, some leaders think they are worthy of what they see others get. I remind them money is the root of all Evil.
My career ended a little different than I expected. What arrogance to think what I expected would play out. Sure, I got to retire mid 50s and hike the Appalachian Trail. Got diagnosed right in the middle as you know if you have read this blog. The 4-5 years leading up to that retirement was one of heart attacks, strokes, dying in transport from one hospital to another for yet another heart surgery, monthly spine steroid injections, kidney stones, falls, seizures and failed leadership assigned over me in dealing with losing their “Tech Guy” when a deal was in the works for what they thought they were entitled to.
The past 5 years since “retirement” was spent trying to fulfill a lifelong dream to hike the AT, progressing with Parkinson’s Disease at a rate so fast it has its own sub-category of research, having an advanced, computer controlled stimulator (Medtronic Deep Brain Stimulation (DBS)) inserted into my brain. That stimulator allows me to walk, talk, eat and sometimes sleep. It has allowed my cognition to improve to a point I am finally done with the brain fog that set in after my 2017 heart reconstruction. And most important, It allows me to remain alive because without it I wouldn’t remain.
I am in all practicality a cyborg. Damn, pretty cool for a “Tech Guy” but pretty damn scary for a Cybersecurity guy. Absolutely terrifying.
Getting to this current state has been quite a journey. As soon as diagnosed with Parkinson’s my Movement Disorders Specialist (MDS Parkinson’s doctor), began the job of finding the right mix of chemicals to relieve my symptoms and help me live better. Those drugs work several ways but essentially you start with some neuro protective drug (rasagiline for me). From there as you progress, and I did fast just like I did the prior three years, they add the gold standard “levodopa”. Essentially a dopamine replacement therapy that makes it past the blood brain barrier. This helps your muscles system “move” and with Parkinson’s you really start to understand what body processes are controlled by muscle movement.
Since I was hiking the Appalachian trail and using more dopamine than usual, my MDS added several dopamine agonist drugs to the mix. These help dopamine hand around longer than normal for use. They also have horrible side effects, interactions with other medications and can cause cognitive and behavior problems. Couple them with anti-anxiety meds for panic attacks and you have one hell of a psychological profile to manage for a Type A, smart, aggressive, trained warrior who was trying to survive. Add in divorce lawyers, bosses that cared more about their own “deals” than their teams, doctors too aggressive with meds and all you can do is get by and try to do no harm. By the way, rantings on social media aren’t’ harm if they are true.
I do believe that If I hadn’t realized the meds were making me crazy and stopping them on my own, I would not have survived. Luckily I did and was able to suffer along well enough for DBS surgery, the ensuing two years of programming DBS correctly and having stimulation turned up so high I am me again. Seriously, I haven’t been this clear mentally since 2017.
I sit here now, five years retired, a life I never dreamed of, happiness, technology that has effectively “cured” me with emerging hopes of stem cell therapy that will make it permanent. I am off all pharmaceutical drugs, my heart has relaxed now that I’m not responsible for success and failure for Global IT systems that failure means stock price deterioration, failed bonuses and I feel great.
I also sit here, an old man, looking back at a great Career and knowing I can hold my head up every single day because I treated people well and tried to do the right thing. My name, my reputation are important to me because my actions are a reflection of Him and He has high expectations for me and YOU.
Be good. Be good to other people. Care about your teams, Reward people and do your damn job and you will be rewarded.
I’m done. BMI needs new leadership. If that isn’t apparent then I’m blind. The songwriters need their interests looked after not the rewards of a public company management team going to a quasi-not for profit monopoly. Want riches, start or grow a company for other rich people, don’t force a deal that sells out almost a century of history.
Oh, and I’ve warned a lot of you in the past, investigate who works for you. It isn’t’ that damn hard. Hell, give me a call and I’ll do it for you. Getting pretty good at OSINT and love uncovering Evil. Special discount to husbands in a divorce. LOL
Seriously, regardless of skill, if a person is of questionable morals or ethics, do you want them leading your teams?
I’m bored, available for speaking events, light strategic consulting, done both a lot. Thinking about a book. Want to read it?
Hike On!
DBS Pictures eeewww look away
