FIisFreedom

The Day I Lost $180 Million

I’ve told this story a few times, but I’ve never really told it the way I remember it.

This isn’t really a business story. There are plenty of people who can tell you about Global Trade Technologies, Bizbonds, Merrill Lynch, Cantor Fitzgerald, financing rounds, valuations and all the other things that make up a startup story.

This is about something much more personal.

For a brief moment in my life, the shares I owned in GTT had a paper value of around $180 million.

Let that number sink in.

$180 million.

I didn’t have $180 million in the bank. It wasn’t sitting in a brokerage account waiting for me to spend it. It was the implied value of my ownership in a company that was moving toward some very significant financing and strategic deals.

But psychologically, there is a strange thing that happens when a number like that appears next to your name.

You start thinking differently.

Not necessarily consciously. But you do.

You start thinking about houses, travel, retirement, your family, what you could give away, what you could build, what you could change.

You begin to imagine a future that wasn’t really yours yet.

Then came September 2001.

We had some very exciting things happening with GTT. Merrill Lynch was involved, and I had already met Stanley O’Neal (funny story here about me and not wearing neck ties). We were working through milestones and additional capital that could unlock subsequent tranches and valuations.

And we were working on another relationship that was particularly exciting to me.

Cantor Fitzgerald.

The idea was to get their bond inventory onto our Bizbonds platform so that Merrill Lynch and our other customers could access and trade that inventory.

I remember going to Cantor’s offices on September 8.

A few days later, my CEO and I were sitting in the Nashville airport.

We were watching television.

And then we watched the towers fall.

At that moment, nobody knew what the next few hours, much less the next few years, were going to look like.

We were supposed to be on our way to meet Howard Lutnick (now Trump’s economic advisor)

Instead, we sat there and watched the world change.

And somewhere in the middle of all of that, something else changed.

That $180 million disappeared.

Not because I spent it.

Not because I made a bad investment.

Not because somebody stole it.

It simply ceased to exist.

The deal environment changed. The markets changed. The world changed.

And my paper fortune went to essentially zero.

I remember the experience more than I remember the numbers.

One day you can look at a number and think, Wow. My life is about to be completely different.

And then, almost overnight, you realize that the number was never really yours.

That experience taught me something that I didn’t fully understand at the time.

Money can be real and unreal at exactly the same time.

The $180 million was real enough to change how people looked at the company.

It was real enough to change valuations.

It was real enough to create expectations.

But it wasn’t real enough to save me from September 11.

Looking back now, I see that period of my life differently.

I used to think I had lost $180 million.

Today, I’m not sure that’s the right way to describe it.

Maybe I was given a glimpse of what that kind of wealth could do to my life—and then it was taken away before it could become the center of it.

I’ve had other opportunities since then. Opportunities that could have made me considerably wealthier.

One of them involved the possibility of working with Bill Gates. I said NO. Period. That was in 1999.

Eventually I retired.

And over the years I’ve had enough time to think about the strange collection of events that brought me here.

I’ve had heart attacks beginning when I was young. I’ve had bypass surgery, numerous cardiac procedures, spine surgeries, Parkinson’s, DBS, and more close calls than I can count.

I’ve also had experiences I can’t explain medically or logically.

I’ve died three times.

Twice, when I came back, I heard the unmistakable voice that telling me:

“I’m not done with you yet.”

I don’t expect everyone to understand that.

But I do.

And when I look back at the $180 million, I sometimes wonder whether that wasn’t part of the same story.

Maybe God knew me better than I knew myself.

Maybe having that kind of money would have been wonderful.

Maybe it would have destroyed me.

Maybe it would have become the thing I worshipped instead of the God who gave me everything in the first place.

I don’t know.

What I do know is that I didn’t get to find out.

And today, I’m grateful.

I’ve had a pretty good life without the $180 million.

I’ve had a family.

I have a righteous woman who loves me and follows me on my adventures.

I’ve had adventures.

I’ve walked thousands of miles carrying a backpack.

I’ve built things.

I’ve taught people.

I’ve written.

I’ve worked with some incredibly talented people.

I’ve had opportunities most people never get.

And I’ve had the privilege of watching my daughter build a life of her own.

I’m still here.

I’m still hiking.

I’m still thinking about the future.

And, God willing, I’m planning another Appalachian Trail thru-hike in 2027.

So maybe I didn’t lose $180 million.

Maybe I lost the opportunity to become a very wealthy man.

And maybe that was exactly the point.

Because if God really wasn’t done with me yet, perhaps He needed me to learn that my worth was never going to be measured by the size of the number next to my name.

The money came.

The money went.

I’m still here.

And apparently, I’m not done yet.

#l0ngtermonthetrail

Hike On!

Yesterday, I almost quit our 2026 Appalachian Trail thru-hike. Before we even started!

I started thinking about how difficult it was gonna be. It’s never been difficult for me before. I’ve been athletic my entire life and been hiking/backpacking since 1974.

We hiked 4.5 miles the day before yesterday and I woke up tired, so sore I couldn’t walk and just horrible energy. Is this how most people feel training for a thru-hike? Damn, you non athletes are tough. Couch to trail hikers are super human.

My 2021 thru hike was physically easy. Even with a new diagnosis for Parkinson’s disease I was still physically strong, even underneath my dopamine deficiency.

Fast forward four years. Three failed thru-hike attempts, Parkinson’s got a lot worse, I had double cataract surgery, a hernia repair from choking too much, every single side effect from every Parkinson’s drug showed up and wrecked havoc on my psyche, brain surgery to have an internal electrical stimulator (DBS) implanted, wore out a ten year battery in two years with maxed out voltage, another surgery to replace the battery with a rechargeable one and a software AI module upgrade. I am now fully a cyborg with relatively mild Parkinson’s disease and a titanium spine. Wow, what a ride. And to think I didn’t maintain my fitness. Shame.

We are “training” hard to not fail again and are perfectly willing and able to deal with my syncope/seizure events when I overdo it. I have at least ruled out any heart involvement since my last event I had sleep tracking on and saw no rhythm or heart rate changes. I think they are just dopamine depletion and a sign I am overdoing it. So hike on.

We do plan to post YouTube videos along the way spontaneously but not necessarily a daily vlog. I prefer a long documentary format when we finish. But yall know me. I can’t shut up so I’m sure I’ll annoy with regular shorts and reels.

Why post at all besides for friends? Because my health problems and therapies applied have resulted in “miraculous” outcomes. After 18 heart attacks, 16 heart surgeries including a quadruple bypass at 45, 6 stents, dying three times from those events, twice broken vertabrae injuries repaired with new titanium devices, torn knee with a new meniscus device, busted hip bursa from injuries, new eyeball lenses, a stomach mesh to fix/prevent future hernias and now an AI implant in my chest to stimulate my brain to control the symptoms of Parkinson’s disease, I am pretty much normal for my age (60) in terms of any physical capability.

I can still lift weights, walk, hike, carry a backpack, beat the hell out of a bag and quite frankly kick ass. If I kick ass too much,

I just have to lay around for three days and let my base dopamine rebuild.

Other Parkinson’s sufferers need to see this. Keto, DMSO, exercise, peace in your life and a loving relationship can allow you to deal with this horrible disease. And a couple $million in healthcare costs (thank you Nashville VA) and technology! Thanks be to God.

The real surprise, you Parkies listening? No meds. of any kind. No levedopa, no agonists, no statins, no BP meds, zero zilch nada.

I stopped Carbidopa Levedopa and rasagiline in August 19th and haven’t looked back. It took a couple weeks and Boom, I am me again. Psychologically speaking I was losing, had lost my mind (depression, impulse

Control disorder, psychosis etc). This “is” the goal for DBS and for me along with Gods grace has returned my sanity.

But, I am very memory impaired for the medication period. I have lost several years from the end of my thru-hike in 2021 until pretty much the end of August this year. Sorry if that has affected you but damn look what I was dealing with.

Cut me some slack. Or not. Your choice because I’m going hiking because that’s what I do.

All the way in 2026. Georgia to Maine. We are leaving Feb 1st thru march. Cherry picking weather and life plans before we commit to a date. We are selling our house so still working to get it back on the market.

We will be bringing our RV along, parking it ahead a week or so at a time. Shuttle back and walk to the RV. That will allow us to run back for doctors (they won’t leave me alone) etc.

How long? 6-24 months. Of course we hope to finish in a year but we will finish no matter how much rest I need. Six months is possible if we train. We are.

Silas, our Australian Shepherd, is coming with us. We need to find someone to watch our cats.

Gear- we are both under 12 pounds base weight but I will be adding 2.5 pounds of equipment to manage and charge my brain device. Yes, I will carry my guitar all the way again.

We will be “Platinum”blazing but visiting as many of our hostel friends as possible. Hotels are better for me to rest in.

Are we hiking “for” a cause? Yes, to

Show the mercy God has given one he called

We aren’t raising money. If you want to donate for Parkinson’s do so. Michael J Fox would be a good choice or even more impactful would be to find a local rock steady boxing program for Parkinson’s sufferers. Lots of research going on that is very promising but local neurologist physical therapist are small business that actually help. They could use the donations for people suffering today.

And in the words of a good friend of mine:

“Hike On”

To God All The Glory. I walk because he carries me and to think I used to think he just made me strong when it was Him all along. Find the truth before it is too late. Ask a Christian or pick up His book.

#L0ngtermonthetrail

Importance of Striving To Not Do Bad (The LinkedIn Campaign)

I’m a 60 year old, retired, somewhat disabled Veteran of our Armed Forces. I’m an Eagle Scout, an Appalachian Trail Thru-hiker (2,200 miles), former Reserve Deputy in the Sheriff’s Department. I am a trusted member of the FBI’s Infragard (White Hat community of cybersecurity professionals). I’ve gone thru the door with joint teams of deputies and US Marshalls to serve warrants for wanted persons while actively working full-time as Vice President and Senior Vice President roles in Fortune 100 and Music Industry businesses. I’ve held Top Secret security clearances, briefed Generals, deployed to War Zones, been injured horribly several times in the field, Graduated from elite schools at the top of my class. I’ve been neuro-psych tested so many times I can regurgitate the tests. (I passed them all, still).

I’ve led teams of people in all walks of life; military, white collar, Law Enforcement, teams so good technically anybody would put them up against any other. I’ve fought for those teams, sacrificed my own rewards and damn near my own career for some of them.

I’ve got advanced degrees in Computer Science and Finance. I’ve had tremendous impact on industries through their early adoption of technology before, during and after the .Com boom. I’ve been responsible for tens of millions of IT budgets and raised well over $100 million in funding for startups. And, I’ve made and lost ($180 million) in four days because deals signed on a Friday don’t last through a Monday when planes run into buildings. That money would have made it harder for me to be a good person so I was never that sad.

Been There, Don’t That.

I’ve worked for a lot of leaders and a few people assigned over me. For the most part, I saw what I would expect, military leaders are rock-solid having been formally trained and raised in a meritocracy and the larger the company most likely the better a leader the Ceo is. I’ve seen a lot of young entrepreneurs who will succeed because they care about the team they picked to get them there, I’ve seen old, wise Billionaires willing to spend their time with younger leaders to impart wisdom (thanks Mr. Eskind).

I’ve seen leaders and some assigned over me who had strategic vision and believe in what we were doing and knew the rewards would follow, and those who money at any cost was the norm. I’ve seen teams of leaders start health care companies with an idea that wellness should be rewarded and it works. I’ve seen new technologies absolutely storm several industries and the success those that can bring.

I’ve also worked for people that no matter what, they thought they should be rewarded because they deserved it. Regardless of the size of the business, the model, whatever, some leaders think they are worthy of what they see others get. I remind them money is the root of all Evil.

My career ended a little different than I expected. What arrogance to think what I expected would play out. Sure, I got to retire mid 50s and hike the Appalachian Trail. Got diagnosed right in the middle as you know if you have read this blog. The 4-5 years leading up to that retirement was one of heart attacks, strokes, dying in transport from one hospital to another for yet another heart surgery, monthly spine steroid injections, kidney stones, falls, seizures and failed leadership assigned over me in dealing with losing their “Tech Guy” when a deal was in the works for what they thought they were entitled to.

The past 5 years since “retirement” was spent trying to fulfill a lifelong dream to hike the AT, progressing with Parkinson’s Disease at a rate so fast it has its own sub-category of research, having an advanced, computer controlled stimulator (Medtronic Deep Brain Stimulation (DBS)) inserted into my brain. That stimulator allows me to walk, talk, eat and sometimes sleep. It has allowed my cognition to improve to a point I am finally done with the brain fog that set in after my 2017 heart reconstruction. And most important, It allows me to remain alive because without it I wouldn’t remain.

I am in all practicality a cyborg. Damn, pretty cool for a “Tech Guy” but pretty damn scary for a Cybersecurity guy. Absolutely terrifying.

Getting to this current state has been quite a journey. As soon as diagnosed with Parkinson’s my Movement Disorders Specialist (MDS Parkinson’s doctor), began the job of finding the right mix of chemicals to relieve my symptoms and help me live better. Those drugs work several ways but essentially you start with some neuro protective drug (rasagiline for me). From there as you progress, and I did fast just like I did the prior three years, they add the gold standard “levodopa”. Essentially a dopamine replacement therapy that makes it past the blood brain barrier. This helps your muscles system “move” and with Parkinson’s you really start to understand what body processes are controlled by muscle movement.

Since I was hiking the Appalachian trail and using more dopamine than usual, my MDS added several dopamine agonist drugs to the mix. These help dopamine hand around longer than normal for use. They also have horrible side effects, interactions with other medications and can cause cognitive and behavior problems. Couple them with anti-anxiety meds for panic attacks and you have one hell of a psychological profile to manage for a Type A, smart, aggressive, trained warrior who was trying to survive. Add in divorce lawyers, bosses that cared more about their own “deals” than their teams, doctors too aggressive with meds and all you can do is get by and try to do no harm. By the way, rantings on social media aren’t’ harm if they are true.

I do believe that If I hadn’t realized the meds were making me crazy and stopping them on my own, I would not have survived. Luckily I did and was able to suffer along well enough for DBS surgery, the ensuing two years of programming DBS correctly and having stimulation turned up so high I am me again. Seriously, I haven’t been this clear mentally since 2017.

I sit here now, five years retired, a life I never dreamed of, happiness, technology that has effectively “cured” me with emerging hopes of stem cell therapy that will make it permanent. I am off all pharmaceutical drugs, my heart has relaxed now that I’m not responsible for success and failure for Global IT systems that failure means stock price deterioration, failed bonuses and I feel great.

I also sit here, an old man, looking back at a great Career and knowing I can hold my head up every single day because I treated people well and tried to do the right thing. My name, my reputation are important to me because my actions are a reflection of Him and He has high expectations for me and YOU.

Be good. Be good to other people. Care about your teams, Reward people and do your damn job and you will be rewarded.

I’m done. BMI needs new leadership. If that isn’t apparent then I’m blind. The songwriters need their interests looked after not the rewards of a public company management team going to a quasi-not for profit monopoly. Want riches, start or grow a company for other rich people, don’t force a deal that sells out almost a century of history.

Oh, and I’ve warned a lot of you in the past, investigate who works for you. It isn’t’ that damn hard. Hell, give me a call and I’ll do it for you. Getting pretty good at OSINT and love uncovering Evil. Special discount to husbands in a divorce. LOL

Seriously, regardless of skill, if a person is of questionable morals or ethics, do you want them leading your teams?

I’m bored, available for speaking events, light strategic consulting, done both a lot. Thinking about a book. Want to read it?

Hike On!

DBS Pictures eeewww look away

What’s Next?

For those few people in the world that have read this blog all along or those just joining, in case you didn’t know, I have Parkinson’s disease and it sucks. Horribly. At the same time, I am still me. The same guy I’ve always been. No matter the “Me” everyone else knows in all my linearly lived walks of life. There is only one person that knows that me, Christi or, as I dubbed her “Georgia Girl”. Her hiking name. She has been with me since day one.

Day one of Parkinson’s Disease. I was diagnosed on June 4^th in 2021. In the middle of a thru-hike of the Appalachian Trial (AT). She was also with me much earlier as an uncertain high school kid who just wanted to skip school, hang out and read books. What a weirdo. That diagnosis date is my new birth date. After the number of different Parkinson’s drugs we tried and their horrible psychological and physical side effects and the suffering from having a fast progression type of Parkinson’s I went through, I have to stop comparing my new “me” to the old “me”. I am gone but through Him, I am back.

Although I have had Parkinson’s for longer than that diagnoses date, at that time I was still very much a healthy, recently retired mid-50s guy just trying to figure out how I was going to burn up the next 30 years or so. I had always planned to “adventure” when I retired. Meaning, hike, travel to hike more etc. Boring? Not to me. I have no idea why. We spend all day tired, hot, thirsty and ready to be finished. We wake up and repeat. A long way from that over-worked, techno genius, IT leader with Global responsibilities that affected stock price and the temptation to continue to pursue. I have come far as Yoda would say.

I knew something more than my normal heart or spine issues was wrong several years before I retired but nothing seriously disabling to worry about how it would impact me longer term. While on my thru-hike of the AT in 2021, I did progress from the benign pro-dromal symptoms of pre-diagnosis Parkinson to full Parkinson’s from Springer Mountain on February 1^st 2021 until I left the trail in June to go to the VA’s movement disorders clinic in Nashville, staffed by Vanderbilt specialists.

By the time I left for that fateful doctors visit, I had already started having dopamine depletion issues, syncope events and increasing FOG. “Freezing of Gait” (FOG) is one of the strangest Parkinson’s symptoms. It has nothing to do with temperature, LOL, but an inability to “take a step, reach for something” while you are in the middle of trying to do it. Your brain will literally fail to signal your body to take the next step. I mean during the transition from stepping down, rolling from hill to toe and pushing off again, it stops at the toe and no forward movement happens. You come to a complete halt like you are frozen to the ground. For me, I also have a momentary “spasm” in thinking everything slows down including my thinking. Slow thinking as a symptom is called bradyphrenia. To me it is a stutter in the dopamine messaging process. And really freaking weird.

Fast forward 4 years, and boy life has sure taken a path I didn’t anticipate. Not a bad one, even with Parkinson’s, but a damn good one. Weird to have that outlook after whining about PD the last couple years, having 7 more surgeries (3 brain, two device chest insertions, two cataract lens replacements with anesthesia, a hernia repair with mesh) for a life total of ~37 surgeries with anesthesia including 16 heart surgeries (Quadruple bypass in 2010, Atherectomy 2017 and heart catheterizations from 24 years old till 2017 at least every other year) and failing on at least 6 more thru hike attempts. For all that, I can’t help but remain happy. More than I deserve, more than I need and evidently, I may survive long enough to learn to appreciate what I have.

Do I over-share? Who cares. My life but maybe my story may inspire, may change or just may help someone else. If nothing else, you will find out more about me and Him. Yes, Him, God the Father, Jesus, our Savior and Him who carries me and has carried me all along. No, this isn’t gonna be a sermon. Those don’t work. We need to see human struggle, feel the loss of loved ones, have our family ripped apart, and sometimes be brought almost to the brink of death and then can we catch a glimpse of how frail we really are and how despicable our own behaviors can be and how much we need Him.

I do credit a life-long “calling” to my current Happiness. Happiness comes with real Love. Love can only be found in Faith in Him and a loving partner to share with. He doesn’t’ create our struggles, we do with our own decisions, the decisions of others we allow to impact us and sometimes just the random events of life. He allows our struggles because of the Gift of free will. We have the free-will to choose but that does not come with a promise in this life but in the eternal life He promises. I just pray my words act as a testimony to that faith and my path. If sometimes you see my human failings, my pride seep through, I ask for forgiveness, not from you but from Him.

So, where are we, Georgia Girl and I and what are we doing. Sitting at Unicoi State Park in North Georgia just chilling. We have our house on the market again. We are basically living out of our RV. No todo list, no pressures, nothing in our way unless we allow it.

Our most recent attempt to go Southbound (SOBO) on the Appalachian Trail was a bust. One day in, we both realized I can’t do it. At least not the way we’ve tried. We decided to stop before we regretted it. Are we done? Probably but maybe not. LOL. For some odd reason, all I want to do is thru-hike. My whole life that trail has been my escape. I’ve hiked since 1974. All the damn time. Three thru hikes and I planned to keep going. Maybe I still will.

Can I physically do it? Probably not in the true definition of a thru-hike but maybe on my own terms. A little electronic help (am I an unassisted hiker if I depend on my brain implant? Hmmm ATC? Not that I care about the Appalachian Trail Conference (ATC) opinion, after all I am a 2020 Outlaw). Not in a calendar year, another ATC definition, maybe. But how could I do it?

Currently, a 6-8 mile walk (or 4 this week) depletes my dopamine to the point that one day of hiking equals four days of rest. Not fun and not worth it. Can I increase the On days? Probably. If you are reading thinking, this guy is crazy and needs to stop, listen? I think what I am experiencing is a condition a lot of people think is normal and that is a lack of fitness. LOL. Literally, since little league sports I do not think I have been in this bad of a fitness state. Comparing how I feel with most of my age group, sorry age peers, it sounds like I am one of them. I guess I am but do believe I can fix it. Just like they could if they wanted.

We are starting a new approach called, “getting into shape”. That means we are going to slow down, rest, take a zero day, rest some more. One or two miles a day for another week. Then push it up slowly. Take into consideration my heart (still strong but mostly artificial) and dopamine usage (natural not meds) and try to get back into shape. I believe I should be able to walk 8-12 miles a day if I am adequately prepared.

If my norm without depleting is 1-2 miles, can fitness improve dopamine use as it can oxygenation of muscles for energy and endurance? That is the question. I might not be able to do a 34 miles day like Hawk but 8-12 miles a day is 220 days, that leaves 145 zero days to finish in a year.

Is that our Goal? Who knows. I want to with all my being. I love the act of thru-hiking, most of the people and myself when the pressures of life aren’t on me. It will have to be about 90 % slack packing. My spine does not like camping any longer. Parkinson’s pulling on a titanium spine really doesn’t like camping, hammock or on the ground.

What if I can’t do it? Who cares. If you don’t try how will you know. If I don’t’ try I will know. Does He care? No, He doesn’t. He cares about my eternal life and how I conduct myself. May my walk honor Him in my own actions and behaviors and inspire some of you to find Him and inspire other’s with what society calls a disability to start living again. I’ll find something else to do or keep failing thru-hiking as long as I don’t fail Him or Georgia Girl.

Keep following us. We plan to do a whole new social media structure to share our journey a little more orderly with great (I’m sure of it) YouTube content. I will keep blogging. Always liked to write, the typing is good for my hand coordination and it allows for a more in-depth look than the social media attention span.

If you are on our Facebook group “Adventuring With Parkinsons”, we will be creating a new page linked to a new account to keep it clean. We will maintain our own personal Instagram/FB accounts for friends but the inspiring (always the optimist) parts will be the public stuff.

I plan to share the good, the bad and the ugly. A favorite movie. You will see me at my best and my worst. Don’t mourn for me at my worst. It is my choice, pain is proof of life and I’ve struggled far more in the past than I ever will in the future so I can take it. Remember that for those of you that hate suffering, He suffered for us all, I am not worthy to even touch His cloak, I can suffer because He comforts me, Want that comfort? Find Him.

Hike On!

Longterm and Georgia Girl

Eddie and Christi Gulley

Some future topics:

My “let’s try all the Parkinson’s drugs” phase of PD. The word is “Mania”
My journey to becoming a cyborg and why this and AI don’t scare me as a Computer Genius (LOL)
Could I be Aubrey de Grey’s first person to live forever? I believe he thinks that person is already alive and being treated with technology that can extend life to the point a cure for aging is in place as a system of therapies. Hmmm
My charmed career and how organizationally subordinate people made me successful. It really is about team work, value, hard work and treating others as you would want to be treated. I miss the teams I’ve been honored to be part of.
How I made $180 Million and lost it four days later. True story and another sign for me of His grace.
Where I see Parkinson’s treatments and possibly a cure in the future?
How I died three times but remain to bug the hell out of all of ya’ll.
How people can think they are good but can’t stop treating others like Shit (Connie and Odie this should be required reading). I pray for them both every day even though as a Person their actions anger me to no end.
Why I believe Statins did more damage to my brain than the chemicals that cause my Parkinsons.
Why I Hate War even though I am a warrior and you should be too. Stop investing our young men for foreign policy. I am still a thinker and my opinion counts.
Why should every successful person stop their careers and seek real life.
Retirement fears of not enough wealth.
Now that transhumanism is here, what cyber risks exist and how will we tackle them as individuals without corporate infrastructure. Anyone in the Penetration Testing world want to lead? I’ll volunteer my “wet” infrastructure. John Strand? Andy Laman? Bueller… Bueller?

I am also available for corporate and organizational motivational speaking. Done much in the past, have more story now, would enjoy sharing.

Remember, Malicious Parent Syndrome is real. It only hurts the child. One day, I pray my own daughter understands life well enough to understand what happened and will allow me to support her as only a father can. Lies are exposed in the Light.

Praise God in the Highest

Where Have I Been and Am I Still Blogging

Yes, I am alive and well. Hiking, retired and ready to start sharing again.

I am L0ngterm. I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease (PD) in June of 2020. Right in the middle of a thru-hike of the Appalachian Trail. I say “a” because it is not my first walk.

I knew I had PD for several years. I woke up from yet another heart surgery (18 including bypasses, catheterizations, stents, yada, yada, yada) in 2017 and knew something different was wrong. I continued on, something had changed about life but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I was still me but something had shifted in the Matrix.

I tried to retire from work a year early in 2019. Financially we were ready because I had planned to retire at 55 my whole life. Some in my life were too selfish to let me get away from the stress of running companies at the expense of my own health; family, friends and bosses, they all ask me to give more than I could or wanted to. Not theirs to ask of me. But Hey, I’m Superman so why shouldn’t they expect it of me? Because I get to make some decisions in my life for ME.

I kicked around for a year, took a ton of vacation, hiked my ass off and whatever was going on got worse. Finally in early 2020, I said I had enough and retired effective March 1, 2020. Never looked back. Early retirement is all I ever dreamed it would be. Try it.

PD has no definitive diagnosis until autopsy, that’s one medical test I’m willing to put off a while. You get diagnosed after several years of stress that you are going crazy because those around you think it is in your head. Doctors tell you it is in your head and you need to decrease your stress. If you know you, you know you. No one else does.

Luckily, I progressed enough (lucky to get worse just to get help? Really?) that a new Doctor at the VA (by the way, the VA is great in Nashville!) diagnosed me quickly. What a relief. Or, is it?

The meds for PD, primarily levodopa, act to replace or enhance your brain’s natural dopamine or at least act as the organic precursor to your own body producing dopamine. Much like diabetes, our bodies do not produce enough of what we need to function. Unlike diabetes, we can’t measure our level of dopamine, the meds take an hour to “kick in” and for a lot of us, that hour is one of pain, discomfort, fatigue, weird symptoms and can last longer than an hour or fail altogether. When it fails, all you can do is wait till your next dose (three hours for me) and hope the next one kicks in.

Enough with what Parkinson’s is, this is about me.

I am alive and well much to some other’s chagrin. I have always taken what life has thrown at me, stood up and overcome. When I had a quadruple bypass at 45, I went backpacking on the AT a month later. Crazy? Maybe. For me it was the best way to prove to myself I was still me.

When I had C3-C7 laminoplasty spinal surgery two years ago in 2020, I fell climbing Mt Katahdin 6 weeks later because I was still weak. The problem isn’t that I fell its’ that I didn’t get back up and keep climbing. Or, the problem is that I thought I should even be attempting to climb Mt Katahdin 6 weeks after major spinal surgery. I’m not Superman, quit trying to act like it.

I’ve been struggling with Parkinson’s Disease much longer than even I thought. I can tell now that a lot of the back pain I’ve had over years was in fact a neurological problem called Dystonia. This is where certain muscles in your body have a faulty signalling and contract in a painful, unrelenting fashion. That pulling can pull spines out of alignment, permanently bend bonds in your foot, cause chronic soft tissue damage from micro-fiber tears in areas such as your rotator cuff hence frozen shoulder could in fact be an early symptom of PD, or not. Only the successful relief from Levodopa will tell if its PD or just an old injury.

I am not going to win this time, you can’t win with PD. But you can trick that sucker and let him walk alongside you. I am the walking man and I will keep walking until my last breath. I am not Superman no matter how I’ve tried to act. I must slow down, learn patience and most of all accept that L0ngterm thru-hiking the AT at a pace of 8 miles a day instead of 20 and maybe, just maybe take 2 or 3 years to finish my next one instead of one season may be the right way to do it and not piss off my friend, Mr Parkie.

Don’t feel sorry for me, envy me for He has given me the strength to stand up and walk. He may be carrying me but my feet are on the ground and I am me again. I have successfully come through the 1^st year of Parkinson’s Disease which as I have learned may be the worst year of PD. After that, even though it is progressive and degenerative, you at least know what it is and know what the worse for now is. From there it is all just incremental. Not a cliff.

I can handle incremental, slow change. Isn’t that just aging? PD is more than aging, but I think I’ll just assume PD is a manifestation of everything that is wrong with me conveniently wrapped into a tidy package called my daily burden.

That daily burden is 19 hours of wake time, separated by 6, 3 hours incremental doses of Levodopa. Taking your meds, waiting 45 minutes for it to kick in via a process that I call the “Wave”. This wave feels like the Levedopa enters my brain, and spreads from the middle of my brain in a slowly expanding, slightly warm rush of central nervous system stimulation. Hopefully that doesn’t sound pleasant because it isn’t.

After about 15 minutes, the wave fills my brain and poof a light switch is flipped, and I am “On”. On is when our dose of levodopa is currently relieving our symptoms. Sometimes it kicks in very well and we feel almost normal.

That almost normal feels so good, it is almost as if we don’t have PD. If you get too many of these in a row or too many days in a row, you may start wondering if you were misdiagnosed. The answer is no, you should feel lucky because at some point in the next week that great On response to Levodopa will turn into a failed dose altogether or a couple days of less than good response.

Don’t look at me and think, “Poor guy”. I don’t feel that way. I am dealing with what I have in front of me today but trust me it is in eager anticipation to the good days that I know always return. Ever the optimist, I have always been. No other choice. I’m glad to be alive.

What is the opposite of “On”? well “Off” of course. In PD, Off is a no, no. At all costs, healthcare should assume Off is bad, throw tons of dollars at finding drugs that reduce or eliminate Off time. That isn’t going to happen. Drugs come with side effects. Side effects or as I start to call them, unintended symptoms.

Just remember, I am still here! It may not be about you now. I have no choice. You do! Don’t let it be one of regret, I have none. I sought happiness so I walk. I found contentment, that is more than I expected. Everything isn’t great in life, yours or mine but I wake up every single day and KNOW I will try to treat each person I encounter like I expect to be treated. Im still shocked how people can treat others. I will not behave like them. I will remove them from my life.

Want to know a little more about PD? Here are a couple of links to get you started. Not from a disease perspective but from a experience perspective.

https://themighty.com/topic/parkinsons-disease/man-with-parkinsons-disease-confessions

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/10-more-things-wish-people-224034776.html

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/10-things-wish-knew-life-223156909.html#:~:text=%2010%20Things%20I%20Wish%20You%20Knew%20About,Some…%203%20Parkinson%E2%80%99s%20is%20always%20there.%20More%20

Portfolio tracking will resume as soon as it is divorce safe to do so.

Remember, “Malignant Parent Syndrome” is real. If you know someone whose parent is lying to them about their other parent, you have a responsibility as a friend, family member, fiancée, boyfriend, girlfriend or whatever to make sure your friend or significant other knows that in a marriage there are always two sides. Does one side being different make the other side wrong? No, they are sides of the same coin. Likewise if the child, especially if they are an adult, “picks a parent” to side with, you have an obligation to speak up or you enable future mental health issues.

Leaving an unsupportive spouse is not wrong, especially if you have the only Biblical acceptable reason for divorce.

Love is love, you can’t change the definition to suit you. Always be honest with those you love or be prepared to comfort them when you can’t answer their questions as to why they let it happen to them, they didn’t you did.

Love is honesty. Lies grow in dark, Truth allows the light to shine.

Hike On!

Freedom Portfolio Dividend Income February 2021

February passive income shows compounding at work. All for no effort today.

Great income without lifting a finger. Don’t get me wrong, I’m exerting effort while hiking the Appalachian Trail but I’m not doing a thing for the great income this month. “Getting paid to hike” as one friend put it. Here are the Freedom Portfolio dividends and reinvestment details for February:

O (Realty Income) $60.82

ABBV (Abbvie Inc) $584.67

OKE (ONEOK Inc) $3,345.16

T (AT&T Inc) $1,054.89

Total for February $5,045.54 WOW! I love it

Income growth is the goal. Goals are being met one compound period at a time. Comparing this month to the same month last quarter we can see the magic of compounding at work. $173.62 growth. That’s another $43 a month to spend or reinvest. Since my expenses are covered, I’ll let it ride. That’s another $694.48 annual income just from these four holdings in one month of Quarterly dividends. All for no effort. That’s freedom.

Without change in any component except reinvestment of last Quarter’s dividend and stock price, OKE’s income grew $93.16. That’s a trend of $100 per quarter growth that hopefully will continue throughout the life of this company.

Recent earnings and news have me very excited to hold this cash machine well into old age. The only downside to holding OKE for me is the stock price growth of over 63% since last Quarter. A great problem to have but it does decrease reinvestment growth. But its still yielding greater than 8%!

ONEOK being such a large part of the Freedom Portfolio, I need to think about when I would consider rebalancing, if ever. A large stock price gain may make it attractive to halve my position into another great holding or two. Time will tell.

ABBVIE has a 20% return since last Quarter and recent earnings, new product approvals and overall great business outlook make this a great yielding (4.78%) growth stock without the volatility of the NASDAQ.

AT&T is still my favorite position. Everyone continues to underprice this Stalwart of the health of our national infrastructure. Coupled with what I see as a very competitive position in media, I wish I had more capital to throw at it. The price weakness makes this my best long-term compounding holding.

As for Realty Income, it pays the cell phone bill each month just like clockwork and adds another .82 cents. Reliable as hell with growth that will continue to chip away at monthly expenses even with inflation.

Great month, great trend. I’m happy and confident the Freedom Portfolio’s income will continue to grow and fund my lifestyle of freedom and adventure.

How did you do this month?

Are your goals being met? Do you have goals?

If not, make some now. Make them reasonable, make them attainable but set some goal to provide the positive feedback necessary to motivate you.

Thanks for reading

Freedom Portfolio Income January 2021

January dividends are in. $2,464.24 total. Another great month!

January dividends are in and it’s another great month! Hopefully now that the election is over (no comment) and with the New Year we can all settle down, focus on our finances, and enjoy the journey to financial independence.

On to the dividends:

O (Realty Income) $60.57

MO (Altria) $969.99

PM (Philip Morris) $742.58

IRM (Iron Mountain) $691.10

Total: $2,464.24

As you can see, I like the tobacco stocks. Great income and I am confident it will continue for a long time.

Iron Mountain is one of my favorites. I was a customer for a long time, so I understand their business well. That understanding is important to make such a large bet. I believe even with the recent trend towards Cloud Computing, Iron Mountain will remain viable. Too many companies will still need data centers and a lot are going to want to remain independent of the big guys.

These dividends are reinvesting so stay tuned as we watch them grow and grow until I need them at least 5 years from now.

How did you do this month?

What are your income goals and how are you building a portfolio to reach them?

What macro-economic factors are you looking at as it pertains to your holdings?

Thanks for reading!

How I let Diversification Suffer for a Stronger Portfolio

Diversification isn’t always the goal. Successful investing is. Read how I let one holding represent 25% of the Freedom Portfolio.

I believe in and have told others to diversify, diversify, diversity their portfolios. I understand the need for multiple holdings, multiple industries and even (maybe) multiple countries for my positions.

I now find myself in a position of what I call strength in my portfolio in that I am highly confident it will meet my financial goals and continue my enjoyment of life with Financial Independence. That strength and confidence comes from VIOLATING the principal of diversification.

Warren Buffet is famously quoted as saying, “Diversification is protection against ignorance. It makes little sense if you know what you are doing.” I am not saying I am an expert, but I do think I’ve spent enough time analyzing my holdings, their industries and the markets that I’m comfortable with ONEOK, Inc. (OKE) representing 25.37% of the Freedom Portfolio.

I bought my first position in OKE in April of 2016 as a new position when I bought 342 shares at $28.92 for a $9,890.64 investment. I thought of a position back then as a $10k holding. I figured getting into each position at $10k would be guard rails insuring diversification.

What happened? I watched ONEOK as an equity position increase in price from that initial $28.92 per share to a high of $74.87 in December of 2019. A 250% return on a dividend investment in three years. Awesome!

During that 3 years OKE also returned $2,568.74 in dividends. For holding it just 3 years and a quarter, OKE returned a quarter of my investment in income. Income I reinvested each quarter compounding my returns.

Fast forward to this year, OKE crashed just like the rest of the market and hit a low of $21.81 per share. A horrible event if I had sold. Instead, I took a hard look at the company again, read a lot from the community and decided to invest more. This time I was going in hard and invested $69,971.56 for another 2,564 shares at $27.29. Was I crazy? I just threw everything I knew about diversification out the window. I also thought I was making a critical move for my family’s wealth building future.

In June of this year, I invested another chunk and bought another 315 shares at $31.58 for a total of $9,947.70. I just could not resist the 12-14% percent yield on a company I was willing to buy at a 5% yield. Talk about cheap. This fit all my criteria for what I consider a core holding.

Altogether, I have $89,809.90 invested in OKE right now representing 3,577.7094 shares including 356.709 from reinvesting dividends. OKE is currently trading at ~$38-42 range per share giving me a total position around $143k for a 62% total return in just 4 and a half years. ON A DIVIDEND INVESTMENT!

Folks, that is winning.

Looking forward, I see no real issues with OKE continuing to meet their dividend. Each Quarter I will see almost another 100 shares through reinvestment or $3,500 per quarter moving forward in dividend income. I will keep reinvesting for the next five years until I start drawing the income from the Freedom Portfolio.

If OKE reaches a price that would push the yield down to a more normal 3-6% range, I would probably find other stocks to reinvest the dividends into but for now I’ll stick with the 10% yield. If some information comes up that would change my mind about OKE’s prospects in their business or they cut their dividend I’d probably consider rebalancing but for now I have the confidence OKE will continue to be a very large part of my life in Financial Independence.

What are your thoughts on diversification?

Do you think you would ever let a single holding represent a Quarter of your portfolio?

Got a similar story of a home run you’ve hit?

Did the downturn in the Spring help or hurt you in the long run?

Thanks for reading.

Freedom Portfolio Income December 2020

Check out the dividend income in the Freedom Portfolio for December.

Wow what a year 2020 has been. Pandemic, economic doom, stock market drop of over 30% and I retired. Not all bad and proof that if you are financially prepared even life’s tough times can be easier.

This month is my low month for dividend income on a quarterly basis but still a fantastic month for cash incoming. All dividends are still reinvesting (except for RDS.b because of their dividend cut). My general rule is to sell any position cutting their dividend but RDS.b should bounce back nicely and it still had a good yield after the cut. Its good to have investing rules but even better to be flexible when you have put in the research.

On to the dividends:

RDS.b (Royal Dutch Shell) $333.00

EMR (Emerson Electric) $104.59

JNJ (Johnson and Johnson) $102.23

CVX (Chevron) $317.59

O (Realty Income) $60.22

ADM (Archer Daniels Midland) $110.35

LMT (Lockheed Martin) $39.72

SO (Southern Company) $260.42

CHCT (Community Health Trust) $20.02

DOW (DOW Inc.) $266.93

XOM (Exxon Mobil) $232.07

Total for December $1,847.18

What a great month. I love seeing this cash come in each month especially when I am confident in all of my holdings to continue paying their dividends and raising them over the long term.

How did you do this month?

What are your income goals and how are you building a portfolio to reach them?

Thanks for reading!

Projecting Dividend Income

Watch how I plan to grow my portfolio from $40k in income to $80k in income over 5 years. All passively.

You want to know what real freedom is? For me, it is watching my income grow while I do absolutely nothing while the businesses I own earn money and reward shareholders. The rest of freedom is pursuing a life of adventure, enjoying family or doing nothing at all. All things I sacrificed early in my career to earn enough to save enough to be retired at 55.

If your serious about living off passive dividend income in retirement, at some point before you retire you should have sat down and taken a hard look at your holdings. That hard look includes deep diving into a:

Reasonable understanding of where the company’s revenue is made
Where profits come from
How capital spending leads to growth
How much free cash flow is really available for shareholders
The dividend’s coverage ratio and what that means

Once you have done that, regularly keeping an eye on what the investing community says about the stock will make more sense. If you just read analysis or pundits, you have no basis to agree or disagree with whether you should take a position or keep holding a stock.

If you’re not willing to put in the work, stick with index funds.

When you have done the work and you think you know your portfolio the next question is will the dividend income meet my future needs. To do this with any chance of success in reaching the crossover point, where your income exceeds your expenses, you must make some guess as to where you believe the income will be at points in the future.

Otherwise, you could find yourself welcoming shoppers at WalMart when you planned on being at the beach. Not a place I hope to find myself in.

Projecting that income is not an exact science. It requires variables that do not remain static over a period. You must make some assumption on stock prices, dividend growth rates and even whether you think the company can safely pay the dividend in the future.

To keep it simple, let us look at generic numbers over a single year with a $1000 investment. Assume 100 shares of XYZ at $10 per share with a current 5% dividend yield reinvested each quarter. We want to know how much that 5% means in real dollars for the year.

In the 1^st quarter, we get 12.5 cents per share for our 100 shares for a total dividend of $12.50. Those shares are reinvested at a price per share of $10.10 reflecting a 1% gain in stock price for the quarter. We now have 1.24 new shares.

In the 2^nd quarter, we get 12.5 cents per share for our 101.24 shares for a total dividend of $12.655. An increase in income of 10.5 cents. Those shares are reinvested at a price per share of $10.10 for a flat quarter. We now have 1.25 new shares.

In the 3^rd quarter, we get 12.5 cents per share for our 102.49 shares for a total dividend of $12.81. An increase in income of 15.5 cents. Those shares are reinvested at a price per share of $9.9 reflecting a 1.98% loss for the quarter in market price per share. We now have 1.294 new shares.

In the 4^th quarter, we get 12.5 cents per share for our 103.784 for a total dividend of $12.97. An increase in income of 16 cents. Those shares are reinvested at a price per share of $10.12 reflecting ~1% gain for the quarter. We now have 1.28 new shares.

So for the year, we project $50.94 in total dividends. 94 cents of increased income and total new shares of 105.064.

This scenario included no increase in dividend. Every position I hold has at least an annual increase of 2% with some increasing their dividend by over 10% per year. I ignore dividend growth when I project income because it isn’t guaranteed, and I like a natural conservative variable to give myself a crossover cushion. For some real numbers, because no one is counting on retiring with just $1000 of investments if the same scenario is applied.

At $10,000 invested you would have $509.40 in annual income.

At $100,000 invested you would have $5,094.00 in annual income. The first $100k is the hardest but with that income it starts growing faster and fasters.

At $500,000 invested you would have $25,470 in annual income. That is starting to cover some serious expenses.

At the mythical $1,000,000 invested you would have $50,940 in income. Probably not enough for most people to retire at a lifestyle but lifestyle is your choice.

My personal projections for the freedom portfolio in 2021 are to generate $40,436.70 in dividend income. 100% of that without any new Capital and without me lifting one finger in anything resembling work. Just the way I like my income, free of effort.

In the next 5 years while the portfolio sits and reinvests, and dividends are increased I conservatively project the Freedom Portfolio to throw off over $80,000.00 in annual income. $80k without working and even when I am asleep.

Stick around and watch how that works out for me. Maybe we can all learn something.

How do you project your income?

Thanks for reading!